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Making me jealous will only push me away from you. It won’t make me want you more. I’m not very competitive, if see someone who’s making you alot happier than I am, I’ll back up because I’ll assume you want that person alot more. Although it’ll hurt seeing someone other than me make you happy, I’ll leave it to them to keep you entertained. I don’t like the feeling of being unwanted or being just second best. I’m a very jealous person and I hate it.

I want to just kill myself, but i know my parents would just vilify me. They are so uptight about money i told them i wouldnt give them anymore for the month cause i need it more than they need to go out drinking and they told me to move to michigan. Im not saying there aren’t people who love me, I’m not saying that im alone, im just saying id rather not live a life where the majority of people in my life abandon me and break promises and refuse to help.

I have everything i need, I will do it. Don’t fucking tempt me. I am so fucking close because of them and i just wont do this every single month. I rather not do it at all. 

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